My daughter soooo wants to be able to play with her 1 year old brother...it's been the most beautiful and truly inspiring process to watch. She is very motivated to try different techniques and learn what motivates him to interact with her.
She has taught me so much about children and what they want...
The other day, she told me, "I am going to play with Artie, and I am going to copy everything he does..." She seemed to think he would really enjoy this...
And he DID!!! She spent almost 40 minutes, doing exactly as he did...As he crawled around (or walked), banging the remote control on different surfaces, she grabbed another remote (you know we all have multiples of those devices), and followed his lead. As he laid on the floor hiding under a blanket, so did she.
You never saw 2 happier children...and they were indeed Playing Together!!
I spent that time, just watching, and learning from my own children...that what motivates children to have a sense of Agency, to be investigative... is to simply follow their lead, without having your own agenda.
My daughter was able to let go her own Agenda and her own wants and allow her younger brother to be in charge.
Maybe...the hour you are with your child at The Wonder Studio...maybe that can be your "Wants Nothing" time. Magda Gerber explains this "Wants Nothing" time as time you devote to your child where you aren't trying to Teach something, you follow your child's lead, and allow them the respect and trust to Know what they are doing.
Even if you only do this for 30 minutes (or maybe an hour on Wednesdays) a day, what could You learn from your child?
The possibilities are endless!!
We all have many times during the day when we Do Want Something from our child...but giving them the gift of just our undivided, not distracted self , for a limited time, will perhaps make those "Want Something" times go more smoothly.
Janet Lansbury explains it here in her blog: http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/08/why-the-whining-and-4-steps-to-eventual-peace/
Give undivided, positive attention
Even newborn babies know whether or not they have our full attention, and a day’s worth of half-attention doesn’t fulfill our child’s needs. As Magda Gerber writes in Your Self-Confident Baby, our children need to periodically receive the message “You are important. You are number one right now.”
Magda encouraged parents to take advantage of feeding, bathing, diapering and dressing as natural opportunities for one-on-one attention.
She also recommended periods of “wants nothing” quality time, time when we allow our child to be the initiator of activities while we observe, support, respond and participate as the child requests. This is illustrated beautifully in “Five Minutes Makes A Difference” from Hand In Hand Parenting.
As you read in my emails and Parenting handbook, I urge you to use this time to Observe your child (as well as the other children) and learn about and from your little one. They have so much wisdom inside!
Pull up a chair or somehow make yourself less big, and be close by, letting them know, your not "Watching" what they do...but instead you are SEEING who they are!
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