So...What's the deal with crying?
Good, bad, annoying, helpful?
When both of my children were born, I was so eager to hear those first cries...
But, soon after... These cries felt stressful and I wanted to do whatever I could to make my baby stop crying.
I read books about "Happy" babies and babies in the tribes of Africa who never cried.
So...when my daughter continued to cry despite my best efforts, I felt like a failure.
I also began to feel there was something "wrong" with her.
Was she in pain?
Was she sad?
Why wasn't she happy?
So there is the truth of the matter...I associated tears with unhappiness and pain.
Unhappiness and/or pain are things we often wish to avoid with our loved ones.
And...a mother (or father) feels their child's pain/unhappiness deeply.
Sometimes, so much, it changes into their own pain and unhappiness.
I often feel as though I am on a roller coaster with my children.
We're spinning around and around...
After the ride was over, I felt shaky and anxious.
However, my children seemed fine.
They could go from Upside Down, spinning round and round, Right back to normal in 2 seconds.
So, I've decided I'm just too old for these types of roller coasters.
I'm getting off the ride.
I'll definitely be there at the finish to hug and support my children but I just can't get on the ride with them anymore.
And really, I know that tears are often healing.
My young and beautiful sister died in June...I've felt more pain and unhappiness than EVER before.
However, I would have nothing if it weren't for my tears to console me.
To be honest, the people that have helped me the most to get through this difficult time are the ones that hear me cry and DON'T try to fix it.
Because, it can't be fixed.
There are some things in life that can't be fixed.
What has prepared me for this loss?
The loss of my grandfather...The loss of my cat...
And...If I think even way way back... I remember the loss of my key chain collection...
My parents weren't able to "Fix" these losses. I learned some ways that helped me to get through the hard times.
So, if you think about it...
Letting your child experience the loss of a toy, is really letting them begin to form some healthy coping skills.
It's hard when your right there and another child takes the toy dinosaur from your child and you could probably fix these tears.
But what if you didn't.
What if...Instead...you were the Pillar of everlasting love that they come home to.
I wonder how this changes things.