Friday, November 18, 2016

Bull in a China Shop. Week of November 14-17th.

 When things go wrong...

And they do, right!?

Our children make mistakes all the time.
Hell, I constantly make mistakes myself.

 We cannot get through this parenting journey without making some pretty major mistakes.
More importantly...our kids cannot get through Childhood without making mistakes.
 In our culture...making mistakes really has a negative reputation..

We are a culture that idolizes Perfection. 

 Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

Really. We are only given 2 chances and then we are to be Shamed?
 Well, I just don't agree. 

My son spent an entire year and still now about 50%...spilling his Drink every meal time.

Now, here we have a few different scenarios.

1. Shannon, get a SIPPY CUP! Right? I know you're thinking it.
But, listen...I am not going to do it. 
Even though, I often think...WTH?! How can he do this every meal? Ok...deep breaths...he will get it. Natural consequences will prevail. Spill, clean up. Spill, clean up. SPILL...CLEAN UP!
Damn it...when is he going to be more careful?

 2. I don't take it Personally.
His spilling the drink EVERY TIME is not something I take as my bad parenting skills.
He spills we clean it up  and try again.
His spilling the drink EVERY TIME is not something he is doing on purpose.
He is a bull in a china shop...he genuinely feels bad about it.

3.  There is a solution.  
Use a heavier breakable cup.
I know...sounds like the wrong way to go.
But, it has helped tremendously. Those plastic cups are so light and he has a hard time gripping it with his little hands.
Now, he drinks out of a Tea Cup.
They are harder to spill and easier for him to pick up!
 Anyway, like I said earlier. 
He still spills the drink 50% of the time.
However, the next solution I will tell you works 100% of the time.

 Love and connection.
When I get mad (and I do sometimes, maybe even often)...I disconnect with my kids.
They in turn feel more upset.
They feel mad.
And, the cycle continues to perpetuate itself.
 However, when I react with kindness and understanding.
Connection happens between myself and my children.
It's not easy to do and I sometimes forget.

 But, goal is to enjoy my children. Raise kind humans. And, oh yeah...we are going to change the world. (just some light parenting goals, nothing big.)
 Understanding goes a long way.

It doesn't mean your condoning the behavior.
It doesn't mean your happy with the behavior.
It doesn't mean that you stop teaching your child what to do instead.
 It means...You accept that we are all learning.

You accept that we will make mistakes.

You accept that where there is understanding...there is love.
 Forgive yourself.

And teach your child to do the same.