Toddlers yelling, "NO!"? Wonder Studio 9am

  Shortly after your little one begins sweetly saying, "Mama, Dada", the dreaded "NO!" is soon to follow!  I know many awesome parents who have tried to avoid "teaching" their little one this word.  Somehow it's unavoidable.  (Just in writing the above sentence, I said "No" about 4 times to my son, as he tried to take his sister's Popsicle, pull her hair, etc...)

  However, I tend to see the word, "No!" as an important milestone for children.  It's a word of power and a way to assert ourselves.  It can convey many different meanings...
As a matter of fact, when they are teenagers, I believe we will all be encouraging use of this word!

  But how can we move our toddlers beyond, "NO".  As with everything else in life, Time and understanding.


When your child yells, "NO" to another child (or adult) without due cause, it can be quite embarrassing.  Believe me, I have been there many times!

Here are some steps to take with your little one when you don't know why they are being dismissive:

1.  Narrate their experience


Everyone wishes to be heard.  Listen without judgement.  Try and evaluate the reason behind the "NO".  


Repeat the information you are seeing.


"Claire is walking over here to see the hermit crabs too, You are saying, "NO" to Claire."

2.  Wait and evaluate if help is needed and perhaps offer Help.


* “Following the RIE approach, we start with the least amount of help and intervention and then slowly increase it. We do expect and trust that even infants (and toddlers) eventually learn most by working out conflicts all by themselves. If every time adults jump in and bring in their version of what is right, the children learn either to depend on them or defy them. The more we trust they can solve, the more they do learn to solve.” –Magda Gerber, Dear Parent: Caring For Infants With Respect   http://www.janetlansbury.com/


Most of the time, toddlers don't have the language they need to convey what the problem is. So often we can miss true intentions.


If another child is being hurt physically, always step in and say, "I won't let you hurt ___!"


Saying "I can help you talk to _____ about ______."

3.  Acknowledge feelings (even your own!) without placing blame.


You feel frustrated about ____.


It's hard to take turns...


I feel sad that Claire is crying. 

4.  Reflect on the incident with your child


Don't take these behaviors personally (as in your not a good parent if your child sometimes says and does things you don't like) and try not to judge your child.  It is normal for children to play with powerful words and actions.  Chances are they will continue this all their lives.  


Learning to listen and discuss it with you is the best gift you can give them.  This will set up a lifetime of the child understanding that mom or dad is a person I can go to when I have a problem and they will not judge me.