Heading into Week 5...
It's time to talk about the dreaded.....SHARING.
I will be referencing the Wonder Studio Sharing Agreement which is posted here:
https://thewonderstudio.blogspot.com/p/blog-page_12.html
This is a big topic and I wanted to bring in Kindergarten Teacher Expert, Wonder Studio Teacher, and a Wonder Studio MAMA - Megan. Thankfully she really brought her whole experience to this challenging topic.
Hello! It’s Megan here, adding a little personal parenting experience to this blog post on Our Agreement on Sharing. So, to be completely honest, this topic hits home because my son, my sweet, caring, always sharing at home with me son, is not quite the sharer at The Wonder Studio. This is really really hard for me...not him, ME! Many feelings overwhelm me in the moment even though I know I am in a judgement free zone. I feel nervous and anxious thinking others are judging or questioning my parenting while making assumptions about his character. I feel embarrassed and often shocked that he is taking something from another child. I feel desperate for him to do anything else, wander to any other area, sneeze, need to go potty….anything other than take the toy. Ahhhhhh! I could go on and on. It’s just uncomfortable. Again, it’s worth noting, it’s uncomfortable for me.
So, as a first time mom, I have read about this topic. Then read some more. Then I watched videos. All because I wanted to learn about what is developmentally appropriate for him in regard to sharing. What I have learned is that it’s okay for him not to share. (HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF!)
He isn’t developmentally expected to understand this concept at this time. The real way he will learn to share is for me to step out and let him play. Let him engage with other children without interruption. Let him and the other children negotiate these social situations on their own. Let him solve problems. Let him experience conflict. Let him experiment with social behaviors. Let him play. Let him learn.
You see, for him this sharing or not sharing thing is play. And play is learning. It’s him learning how to interact with others. It’s him learning how to get the really cool digger from the sand table that he wants, even if someone else is actively playing with it. It may be uncomfortable for me, but it’s not necessarily uncomfortable for him.
These quotes helped me build my understanding of sharing when it comes to toddlers:
“Following the RIE approach, we start with the least amount of help and intervention and then slowly increase it. We do expect and trust that even infants eventually learn most by working out conflicts all by themselves. If every time adults jump in and bring in their version of what is right, the children learn either to depend on them or to defy them. The more we trust they can solve, the more they do learn to solve.” –Magda Gerber, Dear Parent: Caring For Infants With Respect
“When we make a child share, it is not sharing.” -Magda Gerber
These articles/videos also aided me on my journey to understand what my child is learning while he may not be sharing:
The S Word - Children Learning to Shar - Janet Lansbury
These Toddlers Are Not Sharing - Janet Lansbury
Sharing is Caring? - Canadian ECE
Baby Teamwork (Sharing Because They Want To) - Janet Lansbury
I hope this helps you as much as it did me. Oh and if you see me taking deep breaths while watching my son take a toy he really wants from another child...it’s my way of coping with the situation while trusting my son will learn to share when he is developmentally ready to do so!
You see, for him this sharing or not sharing thing is play. And play is learning. It’s him learning how to interact with others. It’s him learning how to get the really cool digger from the sand table that he wants, even if someone else is actively playing with it. It may be uncomfortable for me, but it’s not necessarily uncomfortable for him.
These quotes helped me build my understanding of sharing when it comes to toddlers:
“Following the RIE approach, we start with the least amount of help and intervention and then slowly increase it. We do expect and trust that even infants eventually learn most by working out conflicts all by themselves. If every time adults jump in and bring in their version of what is right, the children learn either to depend on them or to defy them. The more we trust they can solve, the more they do learn to solve.” –Magda Gerber, Dear Parent: Caring For Infants With Respect
“When we make a child share, it is not sharing.” -Magda Gerber
These articles/videos also aided me on my journey to understand what my child is learning while he may not be sharing:
The S Word - Children Learning to Shar - Janet Lansbury
These Toddlers Are Not Sharing - Janet Lansbury
Sharing is Caring? - Canadian ECE
Baby Teamwork (Sharing Because They Want To) - Janet Lansbury
I hope this helps you as much as it did me. Oh and if you see me taking deep breaths while watching my son take a toy he really wants from another child...it’s my way of coping with the situation while trusting my son will learn to share when he is developmentally ready to do so!
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