Working together...or Not to work together...
This is a question we have all asked ourselves.
What does it mean for young children?
We believe it's our duty to teach our young children to be cooperative...
To take turns...
And of course, we must teach them To SHARE!!!!!
If your child takes something from another child...it gives us all a feeling of dread...How could they have done that? What were they thinking?
And sometimes, it's even more awkward, when another child TAKES from your child! Oh no, What do I do? Why doesn't she stand up for herself? Will she always be walked all over by others?
My daughter would cry and cry when another child would take something from her. It was devastating for us both. Many times, I would avoid social events because I dreaded these confrontations.
I didn't think it was fair.
She would look at me and see my looks of despair and confusion which mirrored her own. I took on her emotions and clearly reflected them right back upon her.
When my son was born, I could see right away that he was a Taker. He relished in the taking, went out of his way to Take, sometimes smiled and laughed as he took. And most of the time he was Taking from my daughter.
I finally put it together that she never learned to Hold on to her desires because I typically intervened. I hadn't given her the tools she needed to handle these confrontations.
Most importantly, I had not allowed her to experience the pain that comes with dealing with loss.
How does one learn to hold on, to Stand Strong, to hold our ground unless we are given repeated experiences to do so?
What are the tools we can give our children and how do we model dispositions like Generosity...?
Janet Lansbury http://www.janetlansbury.com/ a RIE parent/child educator advocates for allowing children opportunities to experience conflict with as much Minimal adult intervention as possible.
Often when children Take, they are really trying to socially interact with another child. When we step in, we send the message to our children that something is not right.
This stepping in tells the children that they are not capable of handling the interaction by themselves.
While it seems "unfair" and "not nice" to the adults...To the children, it has the power to be an opportunity for social learning. So taking the time to WAIT before you intervene is critical. If no one is upset, then take that cue and move on yourself!
When children are just learning to speak...we can help them to find the words that will help them attain their desires. We can show them the body language that is sometimes necessary to communicate our feelings.
We don't allow them to physically hurt another, but we can point out Factual information.
"You took his car...He is holding out his hand and saying, "No". His face is sad...He is crying.
"I feel sad for him."
And saying to the child that has had the toy taken..."You can ask for it back...You can hold out your hand to tell him you want it back." "Do you want a hug?"
Treating these situations as Learning opportunities...will give you a peace of mind. It's ok to not intervene sometimes.
The children will learn to share and they will also learn when Not to.
Because both skills are important!
As we all logically know, what really teaches our children is US modeling these characteristics in Real Life situations.
Do you share?
Do you cooperate all the time with others?
Are you generous?
Perhaps, we all need to spend more time reflecting on our own behavior instead of our child's.
I realized this myself one day when...We were eating dinner and my husband asked for a bite of my steak and I said, "No"...it's too good to share with you. I looked over to my daughter and saw her evaluating my comment. I knew then..."Whoops...she is really watching and paying attention."
Hmmmm.....
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