One of the first shocks of motherhood was right after we came home from the hospital with my new baby girl. So so tired. Overwhelmed and intensely anxious about keeping this little bundle of joy alive.
My husband happily announced that his mom was going to deliver some Carrabbas for dinner. He asked, "What would you like?" I burst into tears and stated that there was no way I could possibly make that decision in that moment.
I remember him assuring me that he would decide and then about an hour later, food appeared in my lap and all was right in the world. I truly was taken aback at the total overwhelm I felt in trying to decide what I could eat for dinner and also equally surprised at the extreme gratefulness I felt towards my husband when he just decided for me.
I have been listening to many different productivity podcasts and ted talks trying to understand how to set up routines for my life that can help me feel less stressed and have more space in my brain for creativity...new ideas, more patience with my husband and children, etc...
The one system that continually emerges is: narrowing down the number of decisions you have to make each day.
For example:
Having the same breakfast every morning is "One less decision I have to make that day", says Dilbert creator Scott Adams.
Parenthood is filled with second guesses. Should I have said that? Is it ok to limit this? Was that a reasonable boundary? We are bombarded with conflicting views on EVERYTHING. We are even comparing apples to apples these days. What if I let my child eat a non-organic apple?
I feel this struggle as a mom. So many decisions to make and then wondering if I made the right decision. It's exhausting.
But, I really see the struggle in our children. More and more I see that children are suffering from decision fatigue. The parent well meaning aims to give the child more independence in hopes that the child will be more amicable...more willing to behave if they have some choice. However, the opposite usually occurs. Crying, tantrums, disagreeable, confusion.
There's a happy medium here. However, whenever I find myself yelling more, stressed more, feeling resentful towards my family...I am triggered to pull in the reins. More limits, less decisions for the kids. Every time it works.
It would be interesting to see the actual number of decisions we must make each day and then try to cut it in half. How would that affect us?
How would it affect our children?
I think it's a gift. As that dinner of Carrabbas was all those years ago...I felt grateful to not have to make one more decision as I was in a deep state of learning. Learning what my daughter needed. Learning a new routine. Feeling feelings that I never dreamed before.
Does this sound like what a toddler might go through?
As they get older, it starts to become more obvious that they are ready for a few more decisions but in times of high stress, high anxiety. Give them the gift of Decision. Decide.
