Setting limits in the Chaos of toddlerhood...(well...parenthood)
"Why didn't I ____ earlier?"
We've all said it in regards to our children's behavior...
"Why didn't I say, NO, earlier?"
"Why didn't I let him cry before?"
"Why didn't I take the binky away last year?"
What are we so afraid of?
Sometimes we're afraid of permanently harming our children's feelings...
We're afraid they will embarrass us...
They might hurt themselves...
They might disrupt someone else...
They might make us look like we don't know what we're doing...
We're afraid if they turn into a jerk, it will be all our fault...
We're afraid of making a mistake!
This fear of making a mistake is paralyzing in all aspects of life. I'm sure we felt it as children and it continues to grow with us as we grow into adults and eventually parents.
It's so important to have ideals and goals but it's equally important to remember that it is impossible to always live up to them.
So much of life is trial and error.
Letting our children see us making mistakes and learning from them is a gift we are all destined to give!
Embrace it!!!
When a certain behavior in our children presents as a problem...it is hard to know what to do...right away...
That is why my approach is to...
WAIT...and Think it through...Start with Understanding...
In today's class, a little boy became very interested in the bathroom door...open and close it...open and close it...play peek-a-boo...
Mom was understandably ready for him to move on to some of the Wonder Studio experiences that were being offered.
I really appreciated that she let me discuss with her some possibilities for "intervention".
Mom explained that playing with opening and closing doors is something N. is very focused on both at home and last week at Wonder Studio. However, last week he pinched his fingers and she was concerned that he would do it again.
I wondered if we gave him some time to explore the door and "get it out of his system" while Mom engaged herself with other parents and participating in some of the WS experiences, perhaps he would come around on his own. However, we would keep a close eye on his fingers so that he could explore safely.
Here was the "Wait" time...we're giving ourselves some time to make a decision...and coming from a place that understands the child is not intentionally being "naughty" or defiant but he is curious and playful.
After almost 30 minutes...Mom and I decided together that N.'s curiosity and exploration of the door was distracting him from all the wonderful experiences being offered in the room. We felt we had respected his desire to explore the door but it was becoming an obsessive behavior and he, himself, also seemed frustrated by it.
Mom felt comfortable with me intervening. So the decision was made to no longer allow the door to be an area of "play". With confidence and conviction ;), I walked over to N. and said, "It's time to come out of the bathroom, no more door." ( I like to be very clear with young children so they understand my intention. Even though I don't like to use "No" very often, it is sometimes necessary. It helps that I don't say it often, therefore, it has more meaning when it is said.) That's all I said...N. walked willingly over to the carpet and laid down. He didn't cry or tantrum.. I tell you...he seemed relieved! I think he would have said Thank You if he could have!
Mom asked if he wanted to do the clay, he got up and ran over to enjoy the clay, and then continued on to some of the other experiences.
Mom and I were thrilled! I know we both thought...why didn't we do that earlier...
However...
I can't help to think it worked out so well because we gave ourselves...
Time...and came from a place of understanding and respect for this little boy.
We came to understand that he was asking for a boundary.
Boundaries are important and it's nice when the child is ready to receive them.
